Can I get a refill?

 I'm often running late to work. My 17 mile drive can easily become a 45 min to an hour trek. Its the north side of Chicago, the congestion, the one ways, and one lanes. You would think I would value this time when I get to listen to music or dive into an audiobook, but I don't. I dread it, it overwhelms me to sit in traffic knowing that with each passing minute, I'm later. Ironically, being late doesn't stop me from sippin'. Today I grabbed a venti honey almond milk flat white, with only 3 pumps of of honey blend. I'm sweet enough I don't need the extra sugar. I took the first sip after settling into my office 20 minutes into my scheduled start time, and truly enjoyed the warmth, the blend, the joy a simple cup of over priced coffee brought me. My joy unfortunately was short lived. 

At work I read announcements. I read them because I am a glutton for information. Today's announcements were centered around some controversy that has been brewing for a while. It focused on "strategies to resolve the ongoing issues". However, as I read I realized everyone is on the come up. The solutions read as curated rhetoric to divert our attention. They were stale, they didn't embody thoughtfulness or care. I would've been pissed, but I still have a little joy lingering from this perfectly brewed coffee. So instead of composing an email and giving these people a piece of my mind, I'm writing to you, writing to me? Just writing.  

I had an epiphany, actually not an epiphany, I just had questions. Questions for myself, questions for my workplace, questions for God, the universe and everyone in between. 

• Why am I here at this place at this time? 
• Why am I sacrificing 2 hours of my day, sitting through a commute that feels like slow death. 
• Why am I really always late? I actually do excellent work. My performance reviews attest to that. When I do show up 15-20 minutes after the fact, I do my job exceptionally well. I show up fully just late. 
• Could I show up on time though? 
• Would that change anything? 
• Would it change me if I didn't dread my drive? 
• Is every company culture like this? Low vibing? Lying? On the come up?
• Should I be on the come up as well? What the f#&$ is the come up? Wait, am I on the come up?

The questions just keep coming. I don't know what's next for me here but I do know today something was stirred in me. It may have been the flat white, it could've been the drive, it was definitely my disappointment with the announcements. I'm ready to do something different. Something more me. Will you join me on this journey? I promise I'll always be sippin' on something good. 

J. (the J is for just learning myself at 34)