Big Bellied Mommy

 No one, absolutely no one, is more honest than a toddler. I'd take a toddler on the team over any degree'd, doctoral, 1000 years of experience having, industry guru any day. Toddlers have the emotional intelligence to give it to you straight then coddle you with enough unfiltered high fives, good jobs and hugs that you forget how ruthless the comment was. 

My 2 year old is using sentences, some inaudible, really a piecemeal language right now, but some sentences come out so clearly and cut like newly sharpened Cuisinart. This baby is shady and unabashed. Last night while slaving over an air fryer in shorts and a tank top, she dared to lift her finger, point at my stomach and say "mommy belly big". I stood in shock, not denying that my belly is big but wondering when did she learn the word big and why out of all the things to associate did she choose my belly? She later told me I was the best cook as I served her chicken nuggets and steamed broccoli.  

So now as I sip on a venti (because you go big or you go home), blonde vanilla latte with oatmilk and yes four unnecessary pumps of vanilla, I'm thinking about "mommy belly big". I don't need this sugar and this may be single handedly contributing to my big belly-ness. She's brutal, and right now its ok, until it's not. There's a level of relief that comes from just saying it and not understanding the impact. It's quite different than saying it and not caring because that means that you actually have no regard for how words impact others, and that's rude. For those of you that think like that you have poor home training. Actually, I'm sorry maybe you weren't trained at all, maybe you do care? Insecure? Ugh you see. I can't speak without thinking, without caring. But to live in the ignorance of not knowing the impact must be bliss. Oh the things I'd say if my introverted, heady self wasn't riddled with the what ifs of the world. What if they don't understand, what if I hurt their feelings, what if they simply don't care? As a lover of words to open my mouth and speak life then have my precious calculated utterance fall on uncaring ears feels like slow death AND a waste of beautiful resources. The reality is words do have impact and people don't care on purpose. So now as a mom I feel tasked with the impossible; teaching honesty, respect and care. 

Ikkkk. I could just let her go through life not caring. 'Cause I get it. It's much easier to turn a blind ear, to shed that layer of yourself that is in a constant state of question based on what others say. Especially in a world where social media gangstas and wordsmiths can rip you a new one without ever seeing anything but your profile picture. Comment sections are callous. Unlike toddlers they are well aware of how their read has you riled up and ready to fight. They drop a few words and like the bloodthirsty drama queens we are, we take the bait. Start viral arguments that would never come up as topics at the dinner table. I want her to be prepared for the battlefield. Go toe to toe with the best of them and come out on top. Reworking idioms like a chip off the old block. But I know we should value words more. I don't want this to seem like one of those things like oh "I love dogs but hate people", because that's some other people s*#^ (if you know you know). But with valuing words we inadvertently respect peoples feelings. We consider how we say things without restricting the truth of the statement. That allows us to be like toddlers and say what needs to be said but also love the person through it. So for now I've decided to renew my 2 year lapsed gym membership. Maybe I'll find some Youtube videos, research BBLs, start wearing my waist trainer again. But if you have recommendations on the art of mommying, please send my way! 

- Big Bellied Mommy