Be Heard

I’m not sipping yet. I want to try something new at Starbucks but have no idea what….. Anyway, when I started writing in this blog again that first post I sent to about 10/15 people, the 2nd maybe 20 or so. People I knew were readers. People in specific group chats (yall know I have a lot of group chats). People I didn’t want to feel left out (that’s weird, I need to process that). And people I wanted to share my writing journey with that would be critical, kind, thoughtful, encouraging (yeah my ego played a part, I know, I know). 

The posts after that kept being written but the shares decreased. I settled on a hot 5 people I’d share with (those 5 changed based on the post). Yesterday 2 people said they’d went back and read my blog (1 of these people I’d only shared with once). My first thought was oh shit, fear swelled so quickly in my chest. I tried to think of all the things I’d written, hoped I wasn’t offensive, or confusing. My second thought was something my 4 year old said in a prayer a week ago “God, thank you for my voice, I love it” (yeah I know she’s 4 going on 14). 

So today aint nothing popping. I hope this won’t be a long drawn out dissertation on my feelings and thoughts and whatnot. Today I’m just hopeful. I know people who have written books that I just couldn’t get in to (nothing to do with them or their writing, it just wasn’t for me. Just like these ain’t for everybody). Sharing is risky. I also know people that I’d love to read their stories if they just wrote them, but something is stopping them. Maybe it’s the same thing that made me concerned that people (who’d I sent posts to would dare go back and read more). Fear of rejection, misunderstanding, misrepresentation (myself, someone else, God). I’m hopeful they’ll tell their story, whatever it may be: fiction, factual or ramblings in whatever FORM/platform they choose. 

And I’m saying this as someone who WHOLEHEARTEDLY would love to police podcast mics. Like how do I become a hall monitor for the mics. Why are mics so easily available? Where they get that level of confidence from to go on Beyonce's internet and spew theee most outlandish advice. It’s the relationship gurus. I’m not being salty either. Legit something strange happens when they get in front of a mic. I was about to say these beady head men but it’s some women too. I was told once that advice is just to give a different perspective, well they can pocket theirs, bury it, throw that perspective into the depths of the Pacific, like the Challenger Deep part of it. I digress. Seriously though…. I hope YOU tell your story. I’m thankful for your voice in MY life, I love IT. 

- Storyteller (if you thought of lies you my people lol) I couldn’t think of another sign off and I’m legit an hr late for work at this point). 

If you made it this far, thanks for reading ANY of these posts. I know I’m not the most vocal person and writing, especially at this level of vulnerability, is super personal and actually really difficult for me. I’m forever rereading these posts like shoot, why you say that, don’t you dare edit those thoughts out. So this is my digital diary. Surprisingly unfiltered. This is unchartered territory for me to show up like this. I don’t take it lightly that you’ve come to read, laugh, pass the time. Just don’t come to learn from me cause nah I ain’t that type of teacher. The "live in" and I were just laughing yesterday about how it takes me a good 2 times to learn my lesson. He’s like what happens the first time, I’m like the first time feels like a lil mishap, the 2 time is like oh you trippin don’t do this no more. It just don’t click the first time around. Anyway, be heard…